I’ve been thinking lately about the people who come into our lives and the difference they make.
Some are with us for years. Others pass through for a relatively short time. Some become lifelong friends, while others quietly influence us in ways they may never even realise.
And then there are the people who are simply there.
The ones we see every day. The ones who listen when we need to talk, offer a bit of encouragement when things aren’t going particularly well, or make us laugh when we really don’t feel like laughing.
We tend to assume they’ll always be there.
And perhaps that’s where we sometimes get things a little wrong.
Because life has a habit of reminding us that nothing, and nobody, is guaranteed.
They know how I feel. Don’t they?
We’re rather good at making assumptions about the people closest to us.
We assume our partners know we love them. Our children know we’re proud of them. Our friends know we value their friendship.
And the people who’ve helped us along the way?
Well, surely they know we’re grateful.
Perhaps they do.
But here’s a thought.
When was the last time you actually told them?
Not on a birthday card. Not because it was Christmas or an anniversary. And not because somebody had done something particularly wonderful that deserved a thank you.
Just because.
I think we sometimes underestimate how much a few simple words can mean to another person.
“I’m glad you’re in my life.”
“I really appreciate what you did for me.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you for being there.”
Hardly complicated, are they?
And yet, for some reason, we can find ourselves going weeks, months, or even years without saying them.
Perhaps we’re embarrassed. Perhaps we think it sounds a bit sentimental. Or perhaps we’re simply too caught up in the business of living to remember.
Whatever the reason, I think it’s worth reconsidering.
The little things aren’t always little
We tend to remember the big occasions.
Weddings. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Graduations. Promotions.
And quite rightly too.
But when I think about the people who’ve made a difference in my life, it’s often the smaller moments that come to mind.
A conversation when I needed someone to listen.
A kind word at precisely the right time.
Someone believing in me when I wasn’t particularly convinced myself.
Or a friend picking up the telephone for no other reason than to see how I was doing.
None of those things would make the evening news.
But they mattered.
And I suspect most of us have similar memories.
It’s easy to underestimate the impact we have on one another. We go through our days having conversations, offering advice, sharing a laugh, or lending a hand without giving it much thought.
And occasionally, something we’ve said or done stays with another person for years.
The interesting thing is that we may never know.
Unless, of course, they tell us.
We get busy being busy
Life can become a rather impressive exercise in keeping ourselves occupied.
There’s work to do. Bills to pay. Appointments to keep. Emails to answer. Things to organise. Problems to solve.
And just when we think we’re getting on top of everything, something else comes along.
It’s remarkable, really, how much time we can spend doing things that seem terribly urgent.
Meanwhile, the people who matter most can end up getting whatever time and attention we have left over.
Not because we don’t care.
Quite the opposite.
Often, it’s because we feel so comfortable with them that we assume they’ll understand.
We’ll make that phone call next week.
We’ll arrange to get together when things settle down.
We’ll have that conversation when there’s more time.
And, of course, there never seems to be quite enough time.
I’ve come to think that one of the more important things we can do is recognise the difference between what’s urgent and what’s important.
Because they’re not always the same thing.
That email can probably wait another hour.
The person who needs to hear from you might be worth calling now.
Don’t wait for a reason
There’s something else I’ve noticed.
We often wait for an occasion before telling people how much they mean to us.
We celebrate birthdays. We make speeches at weddings. We write lovely things in retirement cards.
And, sadly, we sometimes find ourselves saying the most wonderful things about people after they’re no longer here to hear them.
I’ve often wondered about that.
Why do we sometimes save our kindest words for the moments when they can no longer make a difference to the person we’re talking about?
Wouldn’t it be better to say them while we have the opportunity?
I’m not suggesting we all start wandering around declaring our undying affection to everyone we meet.
That could get a little awkward.
But perhaps we could be a bit more generous with our appreciation.
A phone call. A message. A conversation over coffee.
It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture.
Sometimes the simplest things are the most meaningful.
And you never know what might be happening in somebody else’s life when they hear from you.
A few words of encouragement might arrive on a particularly difficult day.
A thank you might remind someone that their efforts haven’t gone unnoticed.
And telling someone you care about them might mean considerably more than you realise.
We can’t always know the difference we’ve made in someone’s life. But we can make sure they know the difference they’ve made in ours.
The question I always ask
When I think about the people who’ve mattered in my life, I realise how fortunate I’ve been.
Some have taught me things. Some have challenged me. Some have supported me. And some have simply made the journey a little more enjoyable.
I hope I’ve managed to let at least a few of them know how much I’ve appreciated it.
But I’m sure there are others I could still tell.
And perhaps that’s something we can all think about.
We spend so much of our lives looking ahead, planning what we’re going to do next, and worrying about things that may never happen.
Meanwhile, there are people in our lives today who deserve a little more of our attention.
So here’s my question for you this week:
Who has made a difference in your life, and what would it mean to them if you took a moment today to tell them?
Perhaps someone has already come to mind.
If they have, why not let them know?
You don’t need a special occasion.
And you certainly don’t need to wait until tomorrow.
